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ABOUT  PHOENIX  RISING, MSW, LSW

Founder  |  Licensed Social Worker  |  Neurodivergent Person  |  Leader

Hello there! I want to introduce myself more fully and tell you in detail about the personal journey that's brought me here today.

I discovered self-healing after years of trying to heal in relationships and having it go terribly wrong again and again. You see, I have a disorganized attachment style, which means my mom wasn't able to meet my needs consistently as a child and I was unable to learn what a healthy, secure attachment is like. On top of this, I am neurodivergent, which added to many of my difficulties such as sensory overload, meltdowns, and masking from a young age.  I also experienced a lot of different traumatic events as I grew up. My parents' didn't have the emotional capacity to help me cope due to their own unresolved trauma, and instead would punish me for "acting out," which further traumatized my highly sensitive nervous system. I felt unsafe, unseen, unheard, and unable to trust anyone. I created many unconscious protective mechanisms to keep people out and myself safe. This is what attachment, complex, and intergenerational trauma can look like.

The scary part is that my family, schools, therapists, and community members were all unable to see or understand that I was traumatized or that I was neurodivergent. Most saw my anger, academic problems, distrust, and "bad attitude" as behaviors that needed to be corrected or fixed. The people in my life continually denied my trauma, gave me little emotional empathy, and blamed me for "ruining things with my drama." It was really challenging, but I had faith that things would get better. I also knew deep down that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. I thought, "If I can just make it to 18, I can leave my hometown, escape the bad reputation my trauma has made for me and create a life worth living."

And while I did indeed accomplish a great many things in my 20s, including a bachelor's in English from University of Vermont, a master's in Social Work from New York University, and counseling over a hundred of traumatized young people, I continued to struggle emotionally and found it difficult to take care of my basic needs. Writing, yoga, music, and my cats were what got me through my most difficult times. My attempts to heal in relationships looked a lot like trauma reenactment, borderline personality disorder, narcissism, projections, enabling, gaslighting, trauma bonding, delusional realities, bullying, codependency, domestic violence, substance abuse, self-harm, abandonment, and paranoia. It was been an intense emotional roller coaster that left me feeling socially isolated, crazy, and suicidal almost every day until I was 29. Yet most people in my life had no idea.

Then something amazing happened, my mom died suddenly. Now, I know what you're thinking, how could that be a good thing? But hear me out. Things clicked into place before and after her death as if someone had planned the entire thing. Including my first psychedelic trip, which was the most healing experience I had ever had. It seemed logically impossible! I was given everything I needed to prepare for and cope with my mom's death, and some of those things seemed like outright miracles! I could no longer deny the presence of God in all things or the Divine path that had been laid out before me. For once in my life, I felt like someone had my back and I could move forward with more security.

And that wasn't the only major thing to come out of this "tragedy." Because I recognized I no longer had a mother to "take care of me," I realized fully that I MUST take care of myself and that my attempts to get my needs met through relationships were futile. I just keep looping in the same destructive, dysfunctional patterns over and over with different people. I felt like I had no control once my stress hit a certain point and I kept hurting the people I loved. This had to stop, and the only way out was to heal myself by being the person I needed most---a consistent, unconditionally loving caregiver who gave me what I needed when I needed it.

After making this commitment to myself and following through as much as I could every day, I have overcome my Borderline Personality Disorder symptoms, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder symptoms, Complex PTSD symptoms, an autoimmune disorder and have made great strides in healing my developmental trauma. A big thanks goes to God/The Universe, for showing me what steps I needed to take and when. While I still struggle during times of high stress, I no longer have the vast majority of symptoms I had once struggled with daily. On most days, I feel happy, relaxed, and grateful for this crazy journey called "life." I realized too that healing myself really meant creating the best healing environment I could for my mind, body, and spirit while moving forward with faith. So simple, yet utterly profound.

There were many things and people on my path that helped me to heal. And it was really about "showing up" to allow the healing to take place versus hunting around for unresolved issues to solve while I sat on a therapist's couch. I have learned so much on this self-healing journey and I know it's because I am supposed to give it all back to you! THANK YOU for being here and witnessing my journey. I am so blessed that you have landed on this page and are open to the concept of self-healing and working with me as your guide. Self-healing has changed my life and perhaps it could change yours as well.

Sending you much love on your journey,
Phoenix Rising, MSW, LSW

I HAVE A DREAM...

A Vision for the Future

I have a dream that one day, we will have world peace. That every person, animal and plant has the respect it deserves. That everyone will be fed, clothed, sheltered and LOVED while we live in harmony with the Earth. I dream of a world where technology liberates us from unnecessary work and resolves our environmental issues. That we may have regenerative, permaculture-based communities that honor life over money and work cooperatively to resolve problems while respecting differences of opinion. That we may have time to heal our collective trauma and feel secure in our faith. I dream that one day, we will have a New Earth. Imagine all the people, living for today.

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